Have you ever thought that you might want to write a book? Or maybe some other dream, painting, singing, dancing or acting - whatever- it was in your mind, your heart - consuming you, and yet - you have not made that first step - or if you have - how far did you go?
I have had that dream for many years - but there was always something that kept me occupied otherwise.... (ah, there's that word! "OtherWise")
I have been collecting stories, mine and others' ~ and I can tell you, they are not just collected in my head - oh no, I have boxes full of papers, notes, essays, pictures - my life in boxes.
Boxes - the story of my life IS boxes - and it is IN the boxes...I think it is time I started unpacking.
Always collecting stories, memories and dreams - also known as past, present and future.
So - after moving into my little place in quite a haste about 17 months ago, not much has changed in here. I had been wondering if I might be suffering from some sort of depression or something - you know, maybe I need to add another pill to my nightly regimen?! I'm by myself, nobody visits, and anyone who wants to is immediately discouraged from that - yeah - so why bother?
Come to find out, I have always been lazy, always loved to sleep in (noon or longer) stay up late, eat well after cooking a great meal - however, dishes?! Me??? No - not unless I absolutely have to.
I found some notes my now ex-husband and I used to leave for each other at the table and just about every single one of mine started out with "I could have slept longer" - or "I did not want to get up!" - you get the idea. "Thanks for doing the dishes."
Was I ever relived to read all that, dating back 30+ years - and then remembering my mother trying to rouse me way back when I was in my teens - I slept til 1 or 2pm, easily. Now, I did not get home until about 4 or 6am - so a girl needs her sleep, right?
Anyhow, I digress - or so I think, but it all will fit nicely together in the story, it always does - I am actually quite good at this. :)
So - after moving in fast and furiously in September of 2010 (that's a long story I'll share another time,) then getting involved in 2 whirlwind romances, with one possibly having my guy move here from 2,000 miles east to the other one taking me back to Europe - neither one panned out. The first, not much would have changed, I would have had him help with the straightening out - (Oh, I can hear him chuckle now...)
The other one? Well, have you ever priced a move across continents? Let's just say I was happy to have my nest-egg in the form of my car - or else I might have spent it all and then really had egg in my face. - As it was, I had barely begun unpacking in early 2011, when the possibility of me joining my then fiance in Europe came up and luckily I still had boxes, so I re-packed.
And sold my stuff. And sold some more stuff. And then I started shipping. And luckily that was about the time my betrothed decided I was not the woman he wanted to marry any longer (little did he know I had been trying to figure out how to break it to him that I was no longer enthused about the idea either) - he beat me to it, and in a classy move - so very 2011 - I was unfriended on Facebook and blocked. He never called me, I never called him to discuss this, I may be slow to learn (long story about waiting 30 years to divorce,) but this was something I learned quite fast - I will never ever try to win a man back, either you want to be in my life, or not. There will be no pleading or begging - ever.
Of course the split from my handsome and sweet lover was painful, I am working hard on remaining positive, and am doing OK with it - however, I never did see it coming.
Then one day my income was cut (short work-week, due to economy, and I actually do understand that) - but of course my creditors - esp landlord, do not see it that way. I started to doubt. I stayed away from my support group, Facebook. That one may be hard to believe to some, but it is true, my Facebook friends helped me through a lot, they are instrumental in what changes have happened these past 3 years.
Which brings me to today - I am about to embark on yet another adventure, and lo - I get to pack once again! This time, much is going to be sold off and donated, the rest boxed up and hopefully fit under my bed. I am moving across the back yard to a 2 bedroom apartment and will be sharing with a neighbor friend. She is alone and was going to downsize, I can no longer afford this on my own - and so I will have a year to contemplate what I am going to do with the 2nd half of my life.
Me thinks I'll be sleeping good tonight. It is going to be a huge change - but you do what you have to do. I am contemplating returning home - but that is not something one decides in a few weeks. I know that now. I am not doubtful, or afraid - I am just wanting to sleep on it a few times, and long!
to be continued....
